Are You an Energy Eater? Why Burnout Isn’t a Motivation Problem
If you’ve been telling yourself that you just need to “try harder,” “be more disciplined,” or “get more motivated,” you’re not alone. Many people come into therapy convinced that their lack of consistency is a personal failure — a motivation problem, a willpower issue, or proof that something is wrong with them.
This is often not true.
Because more often than not, burnout has nothing to do with motivation. It has everything to do with energy. I talk about energy in my sessions all.the.time. We have energy everyday and where we choose to spend it, provides great insight to your habits, behaviors, choices, and boundaries.
This also provides an opportunity for you to be more curious about your life and your decisions which could lead to change.
Burnout Isn’t Laziness — It’s Depletion
Burnout doesn’t usually show up as complete collapse. It’s quieter than that. It often looks like:
Starting things with good intentions and not following through. Very common.
Feeling mentally exhausted even after resting.
Losing interest in things you used to care about. So true.
Procrastinating, scrolling, or avoiding — then feeling guilty about it. Lost time that you will never get back.
Wanting change but feeling oddly resistant to doing anything about it. Feeling extremely stuck.
From the outside, it can look like a lack of effort. Internally, it feels like trying to run on empty. When someone is emotionally depleted, asking them to “push harder” is like telling a phone on 2% battery to open more apps. And we know you wouldn’t do that. What do you do? You plug in your phone to ‘recharge.’
The issue isn’t motivation — it’s energy management. What exactly are you doing with your energy? Ask and answer and be curious about how you show up and what changes you want to make.
What Does It Mean to Be an “Energy Eater”?
An energy eater isn’t a person — it’s a pattern. A pattern of choices. Energy eaters are the thoughts, behaviors, and dynamics that quietly drain your emotional and mental resources over time. Unlike obvious stressors, they’re often normalized, minimized, or even praised (this is not good).
Some common energy eaters include:
Chronic people-pleasing - the road to nowhere.
Overthinking and mental rumination.
Emotional caretaking or overfunctioning in relationships. Carrying the emotional weight of the relationship.
Living in a constant state of urgency.
Carrying responsibility that isn’t yours. Let’s talk about giving THAT up.
Avoiding uncomfortable truths to keep the peace. Discomfort creates opportunity for growth.
Individually, these patterns may not feel overwhelming. But collectively, they create a slow leak — and over time, your capacity shrinks. Over time, your energy shrinks. They become energy eaters. These behaviors can literally suck the life out of you.
Why Consistency Feels Impossible When Energy Is Low
Consistency requires more than discipline. It requires available emotional bandwidth. Honestly, when most of your energy is spent managing stress, regulating anxiety, anticipating others’ reactions, or holding yourself together, there’s very little left for growth. This is why people can be high-functioning and still feel stuck.
Which of these ring true for you:
You can show up for others but not yourself. If you start down that path, you feel selfish but there is such a thing as healthy selfishness. Read more about that here.
You’re productive at work but exhausted in your personal life. So all of your energy goes towards work. You get home simply depleted.
You make plans for change — then feel strangely resistant when it’s time to act. This is normal if you have a hard time setting boundaries.
This isn’t self-sabotage. It’s your nervous system protecting itself from overload. Consistency doesn’t break down because you don’t care enough. It breaks down because something is already costing you too much.
Emotional Labor Is STILL Labor
One of the most overlooked sources of burnout is emotional labor — especially in relationships.
Emotional labor looks like:
Being the one who keeps things smooth.
Monitoring moods, reactions, or tension.
Anticipating needs before they’re spoken.
Explaining yourself repeatedly.
Carrying the emotional weight of the relationship. We often lose ourselves doing this.
When you’re constantly regulating for others, your system never fully rests. Over time, even small tasks begin to feel heavy. This is often when people say: “I don’t know why I can’t just do the thing.” (yes you do - you know). Because the truth is: you’re already doing too much.
Burnout Creates a Shame Loop
What makes burnout particularly difficult is the shame that follows. Instead of recognizing depletion, many people internalize it as a personal flaw:
“I’m lazy.”
“I should be better at this.”
“Other people can do it — why can’t I?”
This shame actually worsens burnout, because it adds another layer of emotional demand. You’re not only exhausted — you’re now criticizing yourself for being exhausted. And nothing drains energy faster than self-blame. It’s so easy to do but so unhealthy and detrimental to your emotional and mental health.
If you are not careful, it becomes a vicious cycle.
Reframing the Question
Instead of asking: “Why can’t I stay consistent?” Try asking: “Where is my energy already going?” This subtle shift creates clarity rather than pressure. And it allows you to take a step back and think about the answer - and then start to make necessary changes.
Some gentle places to look:
What feels draining even when it’s familiar?
Where am I giving more than I’m receiving?
What am I tolerating that costs me energy?
What feels heavy that I’ve normalized?
You don’t need to fix everything at once. Awareness alone begins to restore agency. Just uncover the answer to the question above. Start there. Start small. Just start.
Consistency Comes From Conservation, Not Force
One of the biggest misconceptions about change is that it requires intensity. That’s simply not true. In reality, sustainable consistency comes from reducing leaks, not adding effort.
When energy is conserved:
Follow-through feels more natural.
Motivation returns without being forced.
Clarity replaces urgency.
Change becomes less emotional and more grounded.
This is why people often feel better not when they “get their life together,” but when they stop overextending themselves. They learn how to set boundaries. They learn the importance of healthy selfishness. They learn the importance of saying ‘no.’
A Gentle Starting Point
If you’re feeling burned out, here’s a grounded place to begin:
Notice one pattern that drains you. Write down the pattern. Think about ways to change the pattern to create more energy.
Don’t rush to change it. Think about why you are experiencing these feelings and what you can do to change them.
Just observe what it costs you. This is an important step. Are you setting healthy boundaries?
Awareness is not passive. It’s preparatory. When energy starts returning, consistency follows — not because you pushed harder, but because you finally had the capacity to show up. Learn to be the CEO of your life. Read more here.
Soft Reflection Prompt
If you want to explore this further, journal on this one question: What quietly takes more energy from me than I’ve been willing to admit?
You don’t need to solve it yet. Just noticing is enough. Small shifts, practiced consistently, can completely change how you feel in your life and relationships.
If these posts are helping you recognize patterns in your burnout, relationships, or emotional exhaustion, you don’t have to figure out the next steps alone. Stay tuned for my next blog in this series, To Move Forward, You May Need to Think Backward.
I’ve created practical tools and guided workbooks to help you move from awareness into real change — including learning to set boundaries, protect your energy, and break old emotional patterns. You can explore them here:
More Healing Resources to Support Your Growth
If you want deeper insight into your patterns and a clearer sense of self, these interactive workbooks include practical tools, prompts, and exercises to support your emotional growth.
Boundaries Workbook: The Power of Saying No
57 Questions for an Intentional Life Journal
Brain Dump & Breakthroughs: 52-Week Journal
Break Free: Codependency Healing Workbook
