How to Stop Being Codependent: Overcoming People-Pleasing in Relationships

In my last post, I wrote about the signs of codependency and how it develops. But awareness is only the beginning. If you want to move from being codependent to building healthier, more balanced relationships, you’ll need to take active steps.

The process isn’t easy—but it is absolutely possible. Here are 11 practical tips to help you become less codependent in your relationships.

11 Tips to Break Free from Codependency and Stop People-Pleasing in Relationships

Being in a relationship should feel supportive and balanced—not draining or one-sided. But if you often put your partner’s needs ahead of your own, struggle with boundaries, or feel anxious when you’re not needed, you may be caught in codependency.

The good news? You can unlearn these patterns and create healthier, more fulfilling connections. Here are 11 practical ways to start breaking free from codependency.

1. Practice Self-Reflection to Understand Codependency

The first step in change is awareness. Notice your patterns, triggers, and emotions. Journaling can help you uncover where your codependent behaviors started—often in childhood—and how they show up now.

Self-reflection builds insight and gives you space to choose new responses instead of repeating old ones. Codependency also creates greater neediness.

2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re doors you control. Start small: say no to an extra work project or decline a social invite you don’t want. Each time you honor your limits, you strengthen your sense of self.

Remember: saying no to others is saying yes to yourself.

Setting boundaries for yourself helps you become less of a people pleaser. Saying yes and no to things that you do or don't want to do. Learn how to do that here.

3. Cultivate Independence Outside Your Relationship

Healthy love allows for individuality. Explore hobbies, goals, and friendships that belong only to you. Whether it’s painting, joining a book club, or starting a new certification, independence builds confidence and keeps you from losing yourself in a relationship. Healthy love allows space for individuality.

4. Prioritize Self-Care Daily

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Exercise, rest, journaling, therapy, meditation, and nourishing food all remind you that your needs matter. Taking care of yourself prevents resentment, burnout, and the urge to over-function for others.

5. Communicate Assertively

Assertive communication builds trust and clarity. Use “I” statements to express needs without aggression or passive-aggression. For example: “I feel overwhelmed when plans change suddenly. Can we talk through it ahead of time?”

Healthy communication is a cornerstone of strong relationships. Read more here about communication tips for a healthy relationship.

6. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Codependency often carries hidden beliefs like “I’m only worthy if I’m needed.” Replace these with affirmations such as “I am enough on my own” or “My value isn’t based on fixing others.” Reframing these thoughts helps rewire the way you see yourself.

7. Identify Your Patterns and Triggers

Do you catch yourself rescuing, fixing, or over-giving? Pay attention to when those impulses surface. Reflect on your family of origin and past relationships to see where those patterns began.

Awareness is the first step to choosing differently. Examine your family of origin (first family). Take the time to do a relationship audit/inventory.

8. Seek Support from Others

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Therapy, support groups, and trusted friends can help you stay accountable and remind you you’re not alone. Books like Codependent No More and Boundaries are excellent resources. Download my Codependency Interactive Workbook to start guided exercises right away and get started.

9. Practice Self-Compassion

Breaking free from codependency isn’t a straight line—it’s progress, setbacks, and learning along the way. Be as kind to yourself as you would to a close friend. Celebrate the small wins, even if you’re still working on bigger changes.

10. Encourage Your Partner’s Independence

Healthy relationships are interdependent: time together and time apart. Support your partner in developing their own interests, friendships, and goals. Encouraging independence creates more balance and prevents resentment on both sides.

11. Evaluate the Relationship Honestly

Ask yourself: Is this relationship respectful, balanced, and fulfilling? Sometimes the healthiest step is acknowledging it’s not—and seeking support to decide what’s next. Individual or couples therapy can help clarify whether the relationship can grow or if it’s time to move on.

Final Thoughts

Becoming less codependent is about growth, self-discovery, and empowerment. With awareness, boundaries, and consistent self-care, you can create healthier dynamics and stronger connections.

Learn to recognize patterns, set boundaries, and meet your emotional needs. Build a stronger sense of self, develop outside interests, and communicate openly to create a balanced dynamic with mutual respect and independence.

Ready to go deeper? Check out my Codependency Workbook for exercises, tests, and step-by-step tools to help you create lasting change

Looking to live more intentionally?

Embark on a transformative journey with my interactive intentional workbook featuring 57 thought-provoking questions designed to guide you toward a more intentional and purposeful life. Explore your values, clarify your goals, and cultivate greater self-awareness through engaging exercises that empower you to make mindful choices and create a life aligned with your deepest aspirations