Behind Closed Doors: The Reality of Walking on Eggshells Around Parents
Growing up in an home where you felt like you were always walking on eggshells around your parents can have a significant impact on your emotional well-being and overall upbringing.
Children raised by ‘eggshell parents’ experience a household dynamic where they never knew what type of mood their parents would be in or how they would react to a specific situation.
This is a very unsettling way to live and is often traumatic for the child.
To cope, a child becomes hypervigilant about their parent’s ever-changing mood. They became hyper-focused on their parent so they could learn to recognize the signs when their parents were highly dysregulated.
Relief would be experienced when the child discovered that today would be a ‘good day’ and they could relax - temporarily.
Because at any moment, their parent could become moody, agitated, and dysregulated again. Like clockwork, their anxiety and fear would return in a moment, or possibly the next day as the process of remaining hypervigilant would begin again.
The cycle is relentless.
Children raised with Eggshell Parenting often:
Believe that home is not a safe place but a place of inconsistency, chaos, and fear.
Constant fear of abandonment.
Unsure of a person’s emotions.
Have difficulty setting boundaries, since theirs were blurred.
Play the role of ‘peacekeeper’, the fixer’, and the ‘rescuer.’
Here are some common experiences that individuals may have in such a situation:
Dependency
Hypervigilance
Low Self-esteem and self-doubt
Suppress emotions
Fear of conflict
Lack of autonomy and self-direction
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1. Dependency
It is very common for children who grow up with eggshell parents to struggle with developing autonomy and a sense of independence. Thus, they may be more prone to being dependent and needy. They rely on others for their own emotional regulation, making decisions, and solving problems because they were overly focused on their parents.
2. Hypervigilance
You feel the need to be constantly on guard and aware of your parent’s emotions. You may try and stay ‘ahead of the game’ trying to anticipate how they may or may not react. You have a heightened sensitivity to their needs and moods. Their unpredictability leaves you feeling anxious, stressed, and fearful that you may miss something or do something that will set them off.
3. Low self-esteem and self-doubt
Constantly navigating a tense or unpredictable environment can lead to self-doubt and low self-esteem. You may question your own worth and feel insecure about your abilities or decisions, as the fear of parental disapproval or criticism looms over you.
4. Suppress emotions
Because you have learned that their needs come first and fearful that you might upset them, you learn to suppress your needs and emotions. However, in doing that, it becomes difficult for you to identify and express your thoughts and feelings openly. This can lead to long-term effects on your mental and emotional well-being and affect your relationships.
5. Fear of conflict
A fear of conflict or the potential for negative reactions from your parents, makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells. Your fears prevent you from expressing your true thoughts or feelings because you don’t know how they will react or if they will react with more conflict or an emotional outburst.
So, you don’t say anything. This often leads to becoming more anxious, avoidant, or cautious when presented with new challenges because you don’t have healthy coping mechanisms.
6. Lack of autonomy and self-direction
Growing up with eggshell parents may result in challenges related to autonomy and self-direction. Individuals may struggle to assert their own needs, make decisions, and take responsibility for their own lives. Children grow and experience autonomy when exposed to age-appropriate challenges and opportunities.
However, when you were raised to be focused on your parents and didn’t experience these types of challenges, you will lack self-direction and autonomy.
You might find that you have difficulty making decisions, finding solutions to problems, or taking initiative for fear of negative consequences or uncertainty about what to do.
How To Heal From Being Raised by Eggshell Parents
Although growing up in an environment where you feel the need to constantly tiptoe around your parents can lead to heightened stress, anxiety, and a constant state of emotional tension, you can take the steps to recover after being raised by immature parents. You can use the tips below to reclaim your independence and become healthier.
Doing this can have a positive overall impact on your emotional and psychological well-being, improve your self-esteem and self-confidence, and your ability to form healthy relationships in adulthood.
Become aware.
The first step in healing is to become aware of how you were raised. This is not to shift blame on your parents because they probably did the best they could, but to direct your energy away from them and onto yourself to heal. Many children don’t want to blame their parents because they still may have love and respect for them.
The awareness is to provide an explanation, not an excuse. This could be through talking to others and reading articles and blogs to become more informed. Recognizing the impact of your upbringing is the first step towards personal growth and overcoming challenges.
Learn to set healthy boundaries.
Reflect on your needs. Reflecting on your own needs by taking the time to identify your personal boundaries and what YOU need for your own emotional health. Recognize your triggers and understand what behaviors and interactions make you feel uncomfortable or anxious.
Communicate assertively. State your boundaries clearly and calmly and use “I” statements. This will take some time to learn a new way of communicating and unlearning not communicating. Be consistent and reinforce your boundaries. Give yourself time and above all else, grace. If and when necessary, establish consequences if your boundaries are not honored.
Practice self-care. Take time to take care of yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy and happiness. Practice self-compassion and surround yourself with supportive family and friends. This will also help you to become less co-dependent on others and more independent.
Seek professional help.
A trained therapist provides a safe space to explore and address your emotions, thoughts, and beliefs that developed as a result of walking on eggshells around your parents. A therapist can also help you build healthier coping strategies, help you take the steps to improve your self-esteem and self-worth, and learn how to create a healthier with yourself and eventually with others.
Final Thoughts
Despite being raised by ‘eggshell parents’, you can learn how to grow and thrive, create healthier relationships, and get your needs met. Remember, setting boundaries with parents can be an ongoing process, and it may take time for them to adjust. It takes time to become more aware of the impact that your eggshell parents had on you.
The goal is to learn how to focus on prioritizing your own well-being and emotional health so you can grow and thrive, despite your upbringing.
Were you raised by ‘eggshell parents’ and want to start to heal? Let’s chat! Hit the button below to get started.
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