How to Thrive After Growing Up With an Emotionally Immature Parent

Being raised by an emotionally immature parent can leave lasting scars — shaping how you relate to others, regulate your emotions, and see yourself. Their unpredictable behavior often creates a confusing environment that follows you into adulthood.

But thriving despite that upbringing is absolutely possible. By understanding the dynamics you grew up with, practicing self-compassion, and learning new emotional skills, you can break free from the past and build a life that feels stable, healthy, and yours.

In my previous blog, The Emotionally Immature Parent, I explored how growing up in this kind of environment can lead to low self-esteem, poor boundaries, codependency, and people-pleasing.

In this post, we’ll take a deeper look at three common struggles emotionally immature parents leave behind — and the steps you can take to heal and thrive.

Emotionally Immature Parent Checklist

Emotional immaturity often shows up in predictable ways. Review the checklist below — how many feel true for your childhood. Emotional Immaturity shows up clearly in relationships and its impacts are very profound when the relationship is between a parent and child. Want to find out if you have emotionally immature parents?

Read these statements below and see how many statements reflect your childhood experience.

• I didn’t feel listened to; I rarely received my parent’s full attention.

• My parent’s moods affected the whole household. 

• My parent wasn’t sensitive to my feelings. 

• I felt like I should have known what my parent wanted without being told.

• I felt that I could never do enough to make my parents happy. 

• I was trying harder to understand my parent than my parent was trying to understand me.

• Open and honest communication with my parent was difficult or impossible.

• My parent thought people should play their roles and not deviate from them.

• My parent was often intrusive or disrespectful of my privacy.

• I always felt that my parent thought I was too sensitive and emotional.

• My parent played favorites in terms of who got the most attention.

• My parent stopped listening when he or she didn’t like what was being said.

• I often felt guilty, stupid, bad, or ashamed around my parent.

• My parent rarely apologized or tried to improve the situation when there was a problem between us.

• I often felt pent up anger towards my parent that I couldn’t express.

Reprinted with permission: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.

3 Common Struggles (and How to Recover, Heal, and Thrive)

1. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

When a parent disregards your emotional needs, you grow up unsure how to say no. Maybe your boundaries were constantly crossed or you were expected to care for your parent instead of the other way around. Over time, asserting yourself starts to feel unsafe or “selfish.”

Healing begins with recognizing that boundaries are not rejection — they’re protection. They keep relationships healthy and help you reclaim your emotional space.

Try this:

• Notice your triggers. When do you feel tense, overwhelmed, or resentful? These moments show where a boundary is needed.

• Start small. Practice saying no to little things first. Confidence builds through repetition.

• Expect pushback. Emotionally immature parents often resist new boundaries — stay firm anyway.

• Celebrate progress. Every boundary you hold is proof you’re choosing yourself.

2. Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth

If you were constantly dismissed, blamed, or told you were “too sensitive,” you likely learned to doubt yourself. This can carry into adulthood as people-pleasing, chronic self-criticism, or feeling invisible.Healing your self-worth means rewriting the story that began in childhood. You are not your parent’s projection — you are separate, whole, and deserving.

Try this:

• Acknowledge the impact. Low self-esteem doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you; it reflects the environment you were raised in.

• Challenge negative self-talk. Ask: “Is this a fact or a feeling?” Replace harsh inner dialogue with compassion.

• Surround yourself with support. Seek relationships that mirror your value, not your wounds.

• Celebrate wins. Keep a running list of your strengths and moments of growth — this builds self-trust over time.

• Set Small, achievable goals. Think about something small you can start to do to improve your self-esteem and start there. Celebrate these achievements, no matter how minor they may seem.

• Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone has flaws and that you’re deserving of love and respect, regardless of your perceived shortcomings.

• Engage in activities that make you feel good. Pursue hobbies, interests, or activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment. Doing things that make you feel competent and fulfilled can gradually rebuild your self-worth.

3. Emotional Regulation Challenges

When your parent couldn’t model healthy emotional regulation, you may have learned to suppress feelings or overreact when triggered. Healing means learning to feel safely again.

Try this:

• Name your emotions. Labeling (“I feel anxious,” “I feel hurt”) helps you separate from the emotion instead of becoming it.

• Acknowledge your emotional triggers. Reflect on situations that trigger intense emotional reactions, such as feeling abandoned, criticized, or invalidated. Understanding your triggers can help you anticipate and prepare for challenging emotions when they arise.

• Practice mindfulness. Stay present with your feelings without judgment — this lowers emotional intensity.

• Create coping tools. Journaling, walking, deep breathing, or grounding exercises help regulate your nervous system.

• Learn to self-soothe. Identify activities or actions that help you calm down when emotions run high.

• Reparent yourself. Speak to yourself with the compassion and calm you wish you’d received.

• Practice emotional expression. Allow yourself to express your emotions in a healthy way, whether through art, writing, talking, or movement.

Final Thoughts

Healing from emotionally immature parenting takes courage and consistency — but it’s possible. By building stronger boundaries, cultivating self-worth, and learning to regulate your emotions, you can break the cycle and build a life rooted in confidence, clarity, and peace.

Your childhood may shape you, but it doesn’t define you. You’re allowed to write a new story — one where you finally feel seen, safe, and free.