Should Relationships Be Easy? 13 Signs of a Healthy Relationship (and 6 That Drain You)

We’ve all heard the saying: relationships take work. And yes, all couples go through ups and downs. But here’s the truth: a healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like constant heavy lifting.

Some relationships flow with ease. They feel secure, supportive, and calm. Others feel like a never-ending power struggle — circular conversations, resentment, and exhaustion. The difference usually comes down to compatibility, communication, and how much individual work each partner has done on themselves.

Let’s break down the signs of both.

13 Signs of a Healthy, Easy Relationship

1. Day-to-day feels peaceful
   There’s comfort and calm. Disagreements don’t spiral into drama.

2. You both have independence
   Each person has outside interests and space, and it makes the relationship stronger.

3. Support comes naturally
   You cheer each other on in goals, challenges, and growth.

4. You’ve got each other’s back
   There’s trust that your partner will show up for you when it counts.

5. Healthy communication is the norm
   You both know how to listen, validate, and talk through tough topics.

6. Laughter is part of your rhythm
   Shared humor keeps things light, even during stressful times.

7. Trust and honesty are strong
   You’re transparent with one another, and betrayal isn’t even on the table.

8. Respect runs deep
   Boundaries, opinions, and individuality are valued on both sides.

9. Boundaries are clear
   Neither of you pressures the other. Saying “no” is respected.

10. You genuinely like each other
    Even when they annoy you (because every partner does), you still like them as a human being.

11. Decisions feel collaborative
    Big or small, choices are made with input from both sides.

12. You can manage conflict without grudges
    Arguments happen, but they don’t linger. Resolution brings closure, not resentment.

13. It’s easy to make plans

    Whether it's traveling or going out for the weekend, plans are made with both people doing the legwork and working together. It feels seamless in many ways. 

6 Signs Your Relationship Feels Like Hard Work

1. Frequent miscommunication
   You feel misunderstood or unheard more often than not.

2. Ongoing conflict
   Arguments repeat without real resolution.

3. Lack of trust
   Suspicion, insecurity, or secrecy create constant tension.

4. Uneven effort
   One partner feels like they’re doing all the emotional or practical work.

5. Emotional exhaustion
   Interactions leave you drained instead of supported.

6. Different values or goals
   Core priorities don’t align, and compromise feels impossibleNo doubt you have observed couples who get along really well and wonder, how do they do it? Maybe you have experienced it. Maybe you have read about it. Regardless, it is common for people to say that relationships take hard work. But should they?

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, a relationship should add more peace than stress to your life. If it feels like constant work, that’s a sign something needs to shift. Start by noticing what feels easy, what feels draining, and what changes you can own. Then, talk openly with your partner about what each of you can do to build a healthier connection.

Sometimes that means small adjustments, and other times it may take professional support to get unstuck. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s creating a relationship that feels more supportive, joyful, and sustainable for both of you.

Ready to see where your relationship stands? Take my free 12-question quiz and find out if your relationship feels easy, or if it’s draining your energy. [Download it here!]

(Disclaimer: This self-assessment is not a diagnostic tool and has limitations. The self-assessment is just one way to gain a deeper understanding of your relationship compatibility).

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