Why You Keep Loving Too Much And How to Start Healing
If you’ve ever been told you care too much, give too much, or love too deeply—especially in relationships that leave you feeling depleted—you’re not alone. Many people who struggle with overgiving in love often carry deep emotional wounds and trauma from childhood, people-pleasing tendencies, or fears of abandonment.
You may find yourself stuck in a cycle of pouring into others while neglecting your own needs, hoping love will be enough to fix, save, or prove your worth. But loving too much doesn’t mean something is wrong with you—it means something needs your attention.
What It Means to “Love Too Much”
Have you ever found yourself clinging to a relationship that’s clearly not working—hoping things will change if you just try harder, give more, or love them the “right” way? That intense pull toward unavailable or inconsistent and unavailable partners isn’t random—it’s often rooted in early emotional wounds.
If you are a woman who “loves too much” then you might tend to:
Mistake intensity, drama, or anxiety for connection.
Feel addicted to partners who mirror childhood emotional pain.
Tie your worth to how much you can give or endure, becoming the people pleaser.
Struggle to feel whole without being in a relationship. You feel a sense of loss of self. You are not sure who you are when you are not in a relationship.
This isn’t about being needy or weak. It’s about survival strategies you learned early on—and now it’s time to unlearn them.
4 Signs You’re Stuck in the Cycle of Loving Too Much
Anxiety. You constantly worry if they’re losing interest or pulling away. You overanalyze texts and crave reassurance—because underneath it all is a fear of abandonment.
Emotional Obsession. You can’t stop thinking about the relationship. You’re replaying arguments, checking social media, or ruminating on how to “fix” it. The emotional rollercoaster becomes addictive.
Self-Abandonment. You silence your needs to keep the peace. You over-function. You shrink to fit their comfort. And eventually, you feel resentful, small, exhausted—and still unloved.
Staying Despite the Pain. You minimize red flags or mistreatment because the thought of being alone feels unbearable. You hope they’ll change. You keep trying, even when it’s costing your self-worth.
Where This Pattern Comes From: Unresolved Childhood Wounds
Many women who love too much were raised in emotionally unstable homes. Was this you? Maybe love was inconsistent. Maybe you felt responsible for your parent’s well-being. Maybe you were parentified. (Read more here on how to overcome parentification).
Maybe you had to earn love through helpfulness, caretaking, or perfection. Maybe you didn’t know how to set boundaries because everyone was pushing and plowing over yours.
As a result, you learned:
That love = being needed
That safety = control or self-sacrifice
That you must prove your worth to be loved
These lessons follow you into adulthood—until you choose to start consciously interrupt the cycle.
Key Themes That Keep the Cycle Going
Trauma Reenactment in Romantic Relationships. You’re drawn to people who recreate childhood chaos—because your nervous system recognizes the pattern, even when it’s painful. There is comfort in chaos. There is comfort in familiarity.
Emotional Enmeshment and Caretaking. You may confuse love with over-functioning. You’re not just being “helpful”—you’re trying to stay safe by staying indispensable. You have become codependent.
Discomfort with Emotional Safety. Healthy relationships might feel boring or anxiety-provoking. That’s not because they’re wrong—it’s because “safe” is unfamiliar.
Lack of Identity Outside the Relationship. If you don’t know who you are outside of love, it’s hard to walk away—even from something unhealthy.
The Grief of Letting Go. Letting go isn’t just about the person. It’s about releasing the fantasy that you can love someone into becoming who you need them to be.
The First Steps Toward Healing
You don’t have to stay in survival mode. You don’t have to keep loving from pain. You can start to take the steps to heal. Here are a few steps to get you started on your healing process:
Build awareness of your patterns—without shame. Do a relationship inventory/audit (read more about how to that here).
Reconnect to your own emotional needs and values. Instead of asking, “What do they need from me right now?” try asking, “What do I need in this moment to feel safe and respected?” For example, you might notice that you need more time alone to recharge after constantly giving to others.
Practice emotional detachment—without guilt. If someone sends a guilt-tripping text like, “I guess you don’t care anymore,” instead of rushing to fix it, you pause, take a breath, and remind yourself: “Their reaction is theirs to manage. I can care about them without absorbing their emotional storm.”
Learn to tolerate the discomfort of healthy love. Practive Mindfulness. Learn how to identify and name a thought or feeling and just ‘sit’ with it. Accept it for what it is and don’t try and push it away.
Create boundaries that honor your emotional safety. Set 1-2 small boundaries to begin with. These should be something you feel confident you can do. Not sure how to do this? (Check out my interactive workbook and how to set boundaries, learn to say no, and take your life back.
Reflection Prompts to Help You Break the Cycle
Journaling is a powerful tool for healing. Here are a few questions to get you started. Take out a journal, write your answers in your phone, record them - just answer the questions in the way that resonate with you. There is no ‘right’ way - just your way.
What are the common emotional themes I notice in my relationships? Where do I believe these started?
What did love feel like in my family growing up? How was I loved? How did I learn to show love?
Where do I abandon myself to keep others close? Why do I abandon myself? What am I fearful might happen?
What does emotionally safe love look like—and do I believe I deserve it? What do I need to do to create more emotional and psychological safety in my life and in my relationships?
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Too Much—You’re Becoming More Aware
Loving too much doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’ve been doing what you had to do to feel safe and connected. But now you’re ready for something different. Something grounded.
Something that doesn’t require you to lose yourself.
You’re not meant to earn love. You’re meant to receive it—freely, safely, and without self-sacrifice.
Want more support breaking this cycle? Download my free PDF “Loving Too Much”: A 5-Step Reflection to Reclaim Your Energy & Self-Worth. A journal guide with powerful prompts to help you reconnect with your worth and rebuild emotional clarity.
