5 Ways to Break the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships
Have you ever thought, “Why do I keep dating the same kind of person?” or “Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?” You know the kind of relationships that drain you, trigger old wounds, or just don’t give back what you need? They kind of suck your soul. You're not alone.
When the same relationship pattern keeps repeating, it's not a fluke. It’s a signal.
Here’s how to start breaking that cycle—for real this time.
1. Take Inventory of Your Past Relationships
List your relationships out. All of them. Seriously. This is an important first step. The inventory allows you to take stock of the people you have been choosing, common denominators, and the traits and qualities most important to you - whether a person had them or not.
The inventory also helps you to understand more deeply what your needs are the deal breakers. When you can identify what your needs are and really own them, it provides you the opportunity to ask for those things in the next relationship so you can have the relationship you envision and want for yourself.
Look for patterns in:
Who and why you chose that person.
Why it ended. Who ended it.
What you tolerated (and why).
What were the positives and negatives of the relationship.
What was and wasn’t working?
What were my contributions to the relationship ending and the issues that I was working on/dealing with?
Why I needed to end the relationship?
What were the things I liked about the person and disliked?
Create your 3 Columns.
What are the 3 columns? Ask yourself:
What are my must-haves? My deal breakers? The things that are really important to me?
What are things I can compromise on or am flexible about?
What are the things I don't really care about?
Ask:
What red flags did I ignore?
What did I learn about what I actually want—and don’t want?
2. Spot Your Patterns and Triggers
Your past experiences (especially childhood) shape who you’re drawn to. Understanding that gives you more power to choose differently next time. To identify your patterns and recurring choices, ask yourself the following questions:
What kind of people do I usually date?
What type of relationship do I usually end up in?
What kinds of things trigger arguments or conflict in my relationships?
What is my role in why my relationships don't work out?
Do you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people?
3. Challenge the Beliefs That Influence Your Choices
Maybe you believe love is supposed to be hard. Or that you’re “too much.” These beliefs often lead you to choose partners who reinforce them.
Ask yourself-
Where did I learn this belief?
Your beliefs about relationships.
Your beliefs about ourselves.
Does it still serve me?
4. Work on the Energy You’re Attracting (and Attracted To)
You often attract people who match your emotional state. If you’re feeling unworthy, anxious, or emotionally guarded—you’ll likely attract the same.
Healing and self-awareness help you shift what (and who) you're aligned with.
5. Understand Your Attachment Style
Your attachment style affects how you show up in relationships. If you're anxious, avoidant, or unsure—you’ll likely replay patterns until you do the deeper work.
Get curious, not judgmental. Awareness is the first step toward change.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to stay stuck in relationship déjà vu. The cycle stops when you stop settling, stop ignoring the red flags, and start choosing you.
It takes time—but change is possible. One insight at a time. One boundary at a time.
Want to lead a more intentional life? Check out my interactive workbook here!
